Parent’s guide to intervening in a sibling fight

“Raising kids is definitely not easy most especially if you have to deal with petty issues that might result to serious ones if not dealt correctly. Parents should avoid being biased and listen to both parties so that no one would feel unfairness and always make sure to promote restoration and resolution for any sort of issue.”

The parent's guide to intervening in a sibling fight | The Momiverse | Article by Dr. Laura Markham

Your children are fighting. Should you step in?

Common wisdom says no, let the kids work it out themselves. That’s because when the parent decides who’s right and tells the children how to resolve the issue, it heightens sibling rivalry. The “loser” resents his parent siding with the other child, and is more likely to initiate another fight, creating a cycle of resentment. Indeed, many studies have confirmed this, showing that when parents stay out of children’s fights, children indeed fight less.

Recent research has added some new wrinkles to our understanding. It turns out that siblings fight less without parental intervention because the more powerful sibling—usually the oldest—gets his way. The other child simply acquiesces. In fact, when we leave kids to work it out themselves, we may be encouraging bullying. In some studies, the presence of an adult within earshot who didn’t intervene was associated with increased rates of aggression between the children, even when that adult pretended to be completely oblivious to the children’s fight.i Apparently, as one researcher observed, “Children…understand non-intervention as an implicit endorsement of their behavior, which may lead to more frequent or more aggressive conflict.”ii

So are we stuck between intervening, which encourages more fights, or not intervening, which encourages bullying? Luckily, no. Research shows there are ways to intervene that actually diminish both sibling rivalry and sibling fights.

Here’s your guide to intervening in a sibling fight:

1.   Get between your kids to separate them and prevent further violence.

“Whoa! Stop!” Hold out your hand at chest level or put your hand on the child’s belly to keep him from advancing.

2.   Help both kids feel safer so they can stop attacking.

Breathe deeply and use a calm voice. Touch each child so they feel connected.

3.   If a child is hurt, comfort that child.

Administer comfort, bandage, ice, empathy. If the child is hurt too badly for you to even be nice to the aggressor, take the wounded child into the bathroom or another room, so you aren’t tempted to shout at the other child. If you can matter-of-factly involve the aggressor (“Ooh, this must hurt. Quick, Joshua, get the ice pack!”), you’ll help him shift …

 

Read more: http://www.themomiverse.com/motherhood-and-family/parents-guide-to-intervening-in-a-sibling-fight/