To discipline kids, you have to be able to forgo some things, you have to be able to endure and be able to manage efficiently and agree on some things especially with your spouse.

It was one of those moments when I wondered how men and women could ever live together, much less raise kids. My husband had just sent our 3-year-old to her room for a “long time-out” because she, disobeying his warning, had unrolled toilet paper across the living room (the puppy then chewed it up and, yes, it was a big mess). I knew that a long time-out was too much for any 3-year-old, especially at the end of the day. So I went up and cuddled my crying daughter, who promptly fell asleep. But when I came downstairs, my husband insisted I’d pulled the rug out from under him (I had). We slept on opposite ends of the bed that night.

I knew becoming a mom was going to change my relationship with my husband. Still, like many parents, I’m surprised that my arguments center on the kids. Such hot-button issues as whether to let the baby sleep in your bed or which behavior deserves a time-out can cause squabbles between the most compatible of spouses. We rounded up some of the top problems parents confront  — and answers on how to reconcile differing viewpoints:

Seeing Eye-to-Eye

You don’t see eye to eye on a fundamental issue.

“For the first year, our son, Peter, slept in our bed with us. But now that my husband really wants him out of the bed, I don’t  — I’ve gotten used to the three of us all close and snuggly together.”

—Sharon Olds, Cornwall, Connecticut

Solution: The most important piece of advice: Don’t try to resolve this dilemma at 3 a.m., when both of you are sleep-deprived and annoyed. Wait until daylight and talk it over when bedtime is far away enough that there’s no pressure to come to a conclusion quickly. Your decision will affect your nights for at least the next several months, so don’t be hasty.

Whenever you find yourselves dealing with such a basic issue, you have to figure out the “why” behind your positions. Does your husband have a deeply held belief influencing his preference (“It’s healthier for children to learn how to sleep on their own”) or is it a matter of practicality (“I have trouble sleeping with a squirmy baby in the bed”)? Or are you the one whose stance is based on a particular parenting philosophy?

If it’s purely a matter of comfort, it should be pretty easy to come up with a compromise that will satisfy both of you. If you have a difference of belief, though, each of you will have to work a little harder. You may simply need to explain that this is something you think is crucial for your baby’s well-being  — maybe he just didn’t understand this. Or perhaps there are articles or books that could explain the basis for your views.

But whether it’s your argument or his that ultimately holds sway, you’ll have to back up your view with action. So if you decide to go with your husband’s preference, he should take an active part in the transition, says Heidi Murkoff, coauthor of What to Expect the First Year and aParenting contributing editor. “That means when the baby wakes up crying in his crib, it’s not fair if Dad makes you do most of the work. He has to get up too, either to comfort you or to go into the other room to soothe your child.”

Big Pushover

You’re a pushover.

“I know I’m not decisive enough in disciplining our kids. I’ve been known to say to my three-year-old, ‘Quit standing on the counter,’ without doing anything about it. This forces my husband to step in, no matter what. It’s a real source of friction.”

—Mary McKay, West Lafayette, Indiana

Solution: Most families have one parent who’s more of an enforcer than the other, because of either temperament or philosophy. And there is, of course, room for different parenting styles. But the discipline gap shouldn’t be so big that one parent starts to resent the other or worries that the kids’ safety is in jeopardy. A preschooler standing on a counter isn’t merely a matter of inappropriate behavior  — it’s also dangerous.

That’s probably where a pushover and her partner should start: with safety issues. Talk when the children aren’t around and agree on house rules that even a conciliatory parent can follow. Then, if a child’s behavior is harmful  — to either himself or another person  — just swoop in and end it (and ignore the tears). There’s no need for discussion or warning.

For lesser infractions, the risk isn’t to anyone’s health but to your authority as a parent. Not enforcing limits can teach a child that his actions have no consequences when you’re around. “There’s nothing wrong with giving a warning before lowering the boom, but when you do give one to your child, follow through on it,” says Wendy Masi, Ph.D., dean of the Mailman Segal Institute for Early Childhood Studies at Nova Southeastern University, in Fort Lauderdale, Florida.

After you and your husband have decided which matters warrant zero tolerance in your house, review some other types of behavior and decide what degree of action they’ll be met with. What if the behavior endangers an object or a piece of furniture? What if it’s merely rude or annoying? With issues like these, there’s more room for differing styles, and you may just have to agree to disagree. But you should strive for consistency within the house so as not to confuse your child.

A good policy that’s worked for many parents: You and your husband can agree that whenever you’re in opposition about a rule, the one who cares the most about the situation gets to make the call. For instance, if he’s strongly anti-feet-on-the-couch and you’re not but see his point, decide that you’ll both enforce that. While you’re at it, though, you might also …

Read more: http://www.parenting.com/article/you-say-no-he-says-yes