The 3 Questions Parents Should Ask Their Children

Troubled Kids are not born, they are made by the negligence in parenting. Parenting troubled kids requires massive piece of parenting advice, parenting tips, parenting help, parenting skills from professionals.


We treat ourselves, as I blogged here, as we were treated. Psychological problems can often be usefully framed as a question of how we treat ourselves. Depression can be the result of beating ourselves up, or neglecting ourselves. Too, often, therapists (and friends) deal with depression as if they are interacting only with the victim of self-abuse or self-neglect and not with the perpetrator. Anxiety can be the result of not knowing what to do, or not knowing how to evaluate available evidence. Anxiety looks like a child lost in the mall, but it typically involves a parent who doesn’t notice that the child has not kept up. Treatment that lasts will involve that parent—the part of the person that is unavailable during anxious moments—and not just the frightened child.

The idea of introjects—internalized representations of others—is very old, and it is well-known that it takes a tightly framed, extremely intimate relationship for a therapist to become a new kind of introject for patients. But the understanding of how parents (and others) become introjects in the first place is often obscured by overly complicated thinking on the subject. There are all sorts of chaotic, systemic forces at play, but the smart move is to say to your children what you want them to learn to say to themselves.

1. Honey, do you have to pee? I discovered while toilet training my older son that the process mainly involved making this question a core aspect of his self-experience. If he was aware of having to pee, he knew what to do, but the risk was that he would not become aware until it was too late. In this model, “awareness” is simply a mentalized substitute for being asked the question. Most of us have this question so embedded in our self-systems that checking for pee seems like second nature. Even passed-out drunks will, occasionally, get up and go to the bathroom, so ingrained is this question.

The “honey” is meant to represent the tone of the question as that of a concerned and supportive parent. You can induce toilet training with the bark of a drill sergeant or the annoyance of a busy parent, but you will not create a functional system of self-care with that attitude. Plus, you will have …


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Manners and Etiquette for Children

Good manners are the backbone of a civilized society and make interacting with people a joy. Manners also create a strong first impression, and they pave the way to good jobs, smooth relations with family and Make it a priority to teach your children the manners!


Manners and etiquette for children is ranked as the most important quality to nurture in the family home.

Instilling good manners in some teens will feel like an almost impossible task. But don’t despair, just keep at it.

You will be surprised how much of your pushing and nagging about being well mannered stays with them.

Good Manners are essential for every child’s self confidence and success in life.

Manners and etiquette for children in the Family Home

In the family home – this is where it starts, where the ‘manners seed’ is planted and nurtured.

This is where your children learn not only good manners, but also core values and ethics.

This is the haven where your children learn to beconsiderate, tolerant and respectful.

They learn to share and to respect the space of all other family members.

This is the place where your children put into practice the foundation of all the social etiquette they will need to carry them through life.

There are several different styles of parenting, none are perfect! Believe us there is no such thing as a perfect parent. What is important though is that you do have a style or “method of parenting.”

Geoff Dodd of Psychology Power asks:

“Do you have a specific style or method of parenting?”

“What parent child relationship experiences are you having?”

“Enlightened parenting styles are renewable! Take some time and re-think now.”

If you need a little enlightenment when assessing your parenting skills visit

Most of these ‘good manners and etiquette for children’ pointers below apply to both parents and children – remember you have to ‘practice what you preach’.Let’s start with respect. Respecting a person’s privacy is very important. In the family home this is one of the most important rules. Parents, teenagers and even the little ones – all deserve a degree of privacy. All deserve utmost respect.

1. If the door is closed, it is respectful and good manners to knock and wait for permission to enter

2. If you want to borrow something, don’t just help yourself, always ask permission and make sure you return whatever it is you borrow. Make sure you return it in the same or better condition …


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Raising a Creative Child: What You Need to Know

Whatever your local schools do or do not do, parents can do much to stimulate creativity in their children and here are five small ways to encourage that.


Raising a Creative Child: What You Need to Know

Creativity is the ability to generate or make up stuff that is unique and often has practical or artistic value.  It also way to look for new solutions to old, and more importantly new problems.  When your child becomes an adult in the workplace, he will always encounter problems that may not be solvable through the old ways, and therefore requires thinking “outside the box”.  A child who is used to thinking creatively will be a success in his profession, and will be sought after by employers.  Or better yet, he may even employ people to work on his innovative creative project!

Apart from practical benefits of being creative, coming up with something new in itself is a source of pleasure.

Many artists actually create art not for money, but to express themselves and give purpose to their lives.  To many, it can be an important aspect of a happy, fulfilled life.

And of course a creative child may also grow up to be able to produce something very valuable in his generation.   A child whose creativity is well-nurtured, and have other traits like grit, persistence and ability to do hard work may grow up to be the next Larry Page, Mark Zuckerberg, Jeff Coons or Frank Gehry.

The Genetic Root of Creativity

A large part of being creative is genetic. Scientists claim that some people are born more creative than others, and creativity seems to come more naturally to some kids than others.  It is an innate talent, and the naturally talented person has an easier time acquiring the same level of expertise than the lesser talented person.  Also the talented person tends to master quickly what exists, so he can move on to working beyond what already exists and build something new.

Highly creative people are found to exhibit personality traits such as being intelligent, non-conformist and unconventional, and open to experience.  They have strong egos, and even have a mild form of madness.  They also tend to have a broad range of interests.  For example, highly creative scientists are found to be highly interested and engaged in the arts.


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The Best Kid’s Cartoons: What is Your Child Watching?

Your children, as you know, should not be watching a lot of television when they are young. Even when they get older, a lot of television will not be a good idea, as it keeps them from more active and mind stimulating pursuits.


Not all cartoons are meant for kids. In fact, many are definitely NOT meant for kids!! Among the many kids’ cartoons out there, how do you decide which ones are okay — perhaps even good — for your child to watch?
Child sitting in front of a television

From “Looney Tunes” to “SpongeBob SquarePants,” kids’ cartoons have been entertaining children for decades. Today, there is more cartoon programming than ever before to choose from, including shows that look like they may be for kids but have adult themes and humor. Before you introduce your child to a seemingly innocent kids’ cartoon, do your research to see what’s age appropriate, say media experts.

Not all kids’ cartoons are kid friendly, Jen Singer, the editor of, reminds parents. “The mistake that parents make is assuming that all cartoons — simply because they are animated — are OK for kids, but hello, ‘Family Guy.'” says Singer regarding the adult show. They often aren’t, though. Your child might be attracted by the animation, but the content may really not suitable for children.

When you find a program your child is interested in, take time to listen to the characters’ dialog. “I chose kids’ cartoons by how the characters talked to each other,” says Singer, recalling when her who teen children were younger “If I didn’t want my kids to say what was coming out of the characters’ mouths, they didn’t watch it. Sorry, Bart Simpson!”

Before introducing a new cartoon to your child, no matter what the age, Boursaw urges parents to check out the Parents Television Council website for great resources and reviews of cartoons and TV shows. “There’s a wealth of info. there, including family viewing guides, studies and reports, and picks of the week,” she says.

Toddler Television
Jane Boursaw, editor of the entertainment site ReelLifeWithJane, says to stick with a tried-and-true channel, such as PBS Kids, for choosing appropriate cartoons for toddlers. “They carry shows like ‘Caillou,’ ‘Curious George,’ ‘Barney,’ ‘Sesame Street’ and ‘Arthur,'” she says. “You can’t go wrong with these shows that are gentle, sweet and educational.”

PBS is also home to other cartoons that toddlers will enjoy, including the longtime favorite “Clifford the Big Red Dog,” “The Magic School Bus,” “Dragon Tales” and “Curious George.” The PBS Kids site also has sections with tips and educational resources for parents and teachers.

Cartoons for Preschoolers
Cartoons aren’t just about entertainment either. Cartoons for preschoolers such as Nick Jr.’s “Dora the Explorer,” “Bubble Guppies” and “Team Umizoomi” can teach early reading and math skills, while PBS’ “Sid the Science Kid” touches on, well, science.

Singer recommends the PBS cartoon “Cyberchase” for grade-schoolers, which follows a team that solves math mysteries and …

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Celebrating your baby’s first birthday

When selecting what to prepare for your child’s 1st birthday party, the task might seem somewhat overwhelming. So, roll up your sleeves, dive in with all fours, and let’s plan that special day!


Whether you’re planning an intimate gathering of friends and family or an all-out bash, your baby’s first birthday celebration is bound to be special — at least for you and the other adults and older kids in his life!

Yes, a first birthday party is really for parents and their guests. Your baby won’t remember this party, and may even be overwhelmed by it. But that doesn’t mean you can’t all have fun. For party planning suggestions and tips on keeping your baby (and young visitors) comfortable, read on.


Who to invite

Your 1-year-old may be fearful of strangers, and strange or new places. Despite liking other babies, she won’t understand how to play with them yet. She will enjoy individual attention and likes to make you laugh. These factors often convince parents to opt for an intimate, low-budget family party or small gathering of relatives, close friends, fellow parents, and neighbors.

But no matter how many guests you have, keep in mind that your 1-year-old will want a lot of your undiluted attention. This is especially true if she’s feeling overstimulated by a large crowd of well-wishers.


How much to spend

According to our poll of more than 5,000 parents, the amount spent on a baby’s first birthday party is all over the map, from less than $50 to more than $500. A majority — 61 percent — of parents spent $200 or less, 25 percent spent between $200 and $500, and 11 percent dished out more than $500.

The amount you spend is up to you, and depends on what kind of party you want to have for your child. Keep in mind that food is the main thing that drives costs up, followed by decorations and the cake. Don’t feel pressured to spend more than you can afford — small is beautiful at this age!



Choosing a time

Your baby will probably still be taking a morning and afternoon nap when her first birthday rolls around. If so, it’s best to plan your party around nap times if possible. And if you’re inviting other young guests, check out their nap times with their parents. Once one starts crying, they all might! You may want to keep the party brief — an hour or so is probably long enough at this age.


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Parent’s guide to intervening in a sibling fight

“Raising kids is definitely not easy most especially if you have to deal with petty issues that might result to serious ones if not dealt correctly. Parents should avoid being biased and listen to both parties so that no one would feel unfairness and always make sure to promote restoration and resolution for any sort of issue.”

The parent's guide to intervening in a sibling fight | The Momiverse | Article by Dr. Laura Markham

Your children are fighting. Should you step in?

Common wisdom says no, let the kids work it out themselves. That’s because when the parent decides who’s right and tells the children how to resolve the issue, it heightens sibling rivalry. The “loser” resents his parent siding with the other child, and is more likely to initiate another fight, creating a cycle of resentment. Indeed, many studies have confirmed this, showing that when parents stay out of children’s fights, children indeed fight less.

Recent research has added some new wrinkles to our understanding. It turns out that siblings fight less without parental intervention because the more powerful sibling—usually the oldest—gets his way. The other child simply acquiesces. In fact, when we leave kids to work it out themselves, we may be encouraging bullying. In some studies, the presence of an adult within earshot who didn’t intervene was associated with increased rates of aggression between the children, even when that adult pretended to be completely oblivious to the children’s fight.i Apparently, as one researcher observed, “Children…understand non-intervention as an implicit endorsement of their behavior, which may lead to more frequent or more aggressive conflict.”ii

So are we stuck between intervening, which encourages more fights, or not intervening, which encourages bullying? Luckily, no. Research shows there are ways to intervene that actually diminish both sibling rivalry and sibling fights.

Here’s your guide to intervening in a sibling fight:

1.   Get between your kids to separate them and prevent further violence.

“Whoa! Stop!” Hold out your hand at chest level or put your hand on the child’s belly to keep him from advancing.

2.   Help both kids feel safer so they can stop attacking.

Breathe deeply and use a calm voice. Touch each child so they feel connected.

3.   If a child is hurt, comfort that child.

Administer comfort, bandage, ice, empathy. If the child is hurt too badly for you to even be nice to the aggressor, take the wounded child into the bathroom or another room, so you aren’t tempted to shout at the other child. If you can matter-of-factly involve the aggressor (“Ooh, this must hurt. Quick, Joshua, get the ice pack!”), you’ll help him shift …


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Study-Smart Tips: Balancing Studies & Play

“It really saddens me when  I see a parent forcing their child to study just because they have  personal ambitions like an award or recognition. Yes these things may be important but we should not forget that kids should enjoy their childhood. You must keep everything in balance so that they or  perhaps you won’t have any regret in the future.”


apple dictionaryStriking the right balance between studies and play-time can be immensely stressful for parents. That’s why we’ve come up with these study-smart tips to help parents as we navigate the ocean of formal schooling in Singapore.The worries are endless – will my child lag behind the other children in his class? Am I stressing my child out by being too ‘kiasu’? What if he starts to hate studying?

That said, managing your own stress is crucial: When the stress on parents becomes overwhelming, they might project their own anxieties onto their child, making communication and healthy learning experiences even harder to achieve. What we need are study-smart strategies for academic studies. It isn’t about clocking study hours or how many tuition classes you sign your child up for. Rather, bring study-smart means focusing on values and strategies that a child can learn and incorporate into his studying habits.

These five tips will help you crate a more positive and conducive studying environment for your child.

Good Study Habits

1. Develop organisation skills through timetables
Following a timetable can benefit lethargic and poorly motivated children: After understanding the concept of time and responsibility, children will display more drive to accomplish set tasks. This is especially so if they can see that play-time has already been scheduled for them and they have something concrete to look forward to. To fully involve your children, get them to draw and decorate their own timetable.

Their contribution to the timetable will hopefully translate into commitment in timekeeping. Let your child know that this is their personal timetable and they have to take charge of it. This gives them a sense of ownership and responsibility. To follow up on this method, review the timetable with them at the end of each day for the first week and gradually reduce that frequency to allow your child to display independence.

2. Reducing distractions during study-time

Studying environments are closely tied to studying habits. Maintaining a stable and quiet environment for studying will train your child to focus fully on the task at hand. What all this means for a parent is to never let your child do homework while watching TV. Some families have their study areas set up in the living room. If that is the case, all family members should try their best to lower their volumes and minimise interaction with the child. Keep siblings away to prevent squabbling and playing, or better still, make them all do homework in silence together.

Cultivating concentration is very beneficial in the long run. Your child will develop an attention span that will carry him well through leisure reading, lessons and most importantly, exams. If study sessions mimic exam conditions, your child will be better prepared and less …


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Tips for Keeping Your Child Safe in the Kitchen

Parents are extremely cautious while taking steps for their child’s safety. However a possible danger-zone that they sometimes overlook is their kitchen area. Easy to open up cabinets and doors, knives and sharp objects strewn in all places, a wet floor etc. could create accidents for the kids. Yet don’t be troubled because you can now establish your kitchen child-proof by using these simple steps:


•    Block access to dangerous things
Put in a child-safety gate in the kitchen doorway to ensure children will not enter the kitchen while you are away or without your permission. Keep all sharp objects like knives, forks etc. in a separate cabinet along with dangerous things like matches, cleaning fluids etc. The cabinet must be at a height, and thus being attainable only to adults. Make sure your kids are safely away when putting or stirring hot liquids. The same rule applies when you’re frying anything. And never leave a hot utensil near a youngster even if it is not on the stove.

•    Ward off toxic or hazardous substances
Vast majority of household cleaners are stored beneath the kitchen sink. You may want to take into account an alternative place. Getting your child take bleach once your back is turned is something you wouldn’t like to happen. Also get rid of the fridge magnets or put them where kids can’t get them as they could quickly pull the magnets off and put them in their mouths and choke.

•    Maintain the floor clean and arranged
All parents is aware that youngsters are bound to come tearing through the house when chasing each other or the pet dog and could easily slip on smooth surfaces. This is also very true and harmful when it pertains to the kitchen. Kitchen floorings are susceptible to splatters that could cause it to be slippery. Additionally, keep the floor free of clutter to ensure that nobody will fall due to any blockages.

•    Practice safe cooking
Turn the handles of saucepans in when you are cooking: This may stop your toddler from reaching up and pulling the pan off the stove. If you can, try and use the burners at the rear of the stove. Also, never allow your toddler to sit down on the countertop. Whenever your young child is in reach of kitchen tools, you’re requesting trouble. Additionally you do not want your child to believe that it is okay to be sitting there, or the next thing you know, they are climbing up the next day. Additionally it is recommended to make an investment on smoke alarms, fire extinguisher and fire blankets.

30 Ways To Connect With Your Teen

When our children are still young, we can just easily ask them favors or teach them things. But as they grow older, they are becoming independent thus making their own decisions in life. When our kids reach their teenage years, our treatment and parenting style towards can make or break your relationship. This is why it is important to effectively connect with them so that you will not be blindsided of what’s happening in their lives.



“When you plant lettuce, if it does not grow well, you don’t blame the lettuce. You look for reasons it is not doing well. It may need fertilizer, or more water, or less sun. You never blame the lettuce. Yet if we have problems with our friends or family, we blame the other person. But if we know how to take care of them, they will grow well, like the lettuce. Blaming has no positive effect at all, nor does trying to persuade using reason and argument. That is my experience. No blame, no reasoning, no argument, just understanding. If you understand, and you show that you understand, you can love, and the situation will change”
-Thich Nhat Hanh


Pay close attention to what your teen says. Teenagers often communicate much more than what they may seem to be saying on the surface. Read between the lines and pay attention to tone and body language.

2. Ask them how their day was, every day.

Teens can be guarded, but simply asking how the school day or a club meeting will help them realize that you are interested in their day to day life. Be specific in your questions to encourage real answers:

“How did the other kids in the club respond to your idea about…”

“Who do you usually have lunch with these days?”

3. Be their sounding board.

If you’re a good listener, your teen will share his or her problems. Your teen doesn’t want you to step in and solve problems – that makes her feel incompetent, and dependent, so she needs to push you away. What she needs is for you to listen, and ask a few good questions, so she can sort out how she feels and think about the best solutions. She’ll leave that conversation feeling closer to you.

4. Going on a car trip together?

Let your teen be the DJ! Teens are developing their tastes and many times the books, movies and music they enjoy are a big part of their emerging identity. Let your teen choose the radio station or CD. Even if you don’t particularly enjoy the music, their taste in tunes is a telling window into their thoughts and emotions. At the very least, it gives you something to …



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Guide to Teething Symptoms and Remedies

It is definitely essential for you to know this symptoms especially if you are a first time mom. This parenting basic is essential in order for you understand their actions and also to know what really works for your child.



When will your baby’s first pearly white start to poke through? Most babies get their first tooth at around 6 months, but your child’s chompers may appear as early as 3 months or as late as 14, depending on such factors as when Mom and Dad started sprouting teeth and whether or not your baby was a preemie (preemies tend to teethe on the late side). How babies experience teething can vary widely, too. Some have teething symptoms—such as excessive drooling and crankiness—weeks before a tooth actually emerges, while others show no signs at all.

Baby-tooth timeline

Typically, babies get their teeth in pairs. First come the middle two on the bottom. A month or so later, the two above those arrive. Still, it’s not uncommon to see a baby with four bottom and no upper teeth, or the reverse. A general timeline:

  • 6 months: lower central incisors
  • 8 months: upper central incisors
  • 10 months: lower and upper lateral incisors
  • 14 months: first molars