“Conflict can escalate when the people involved are too angry to listen to each other. Misunderstandings fuel arguments. Usually, our first angry impulse is to push the point that we are right and win the argument at any cost. Finding a peaceful resolution can be difficult, if not impossible, when both parties stubbornly stick to their guns. It helps if everyone decides as a family to try listening to each other and negotiating instead. Sometimes, strong emotions or the power imbalances that can be present in relationships are difficult to resolve and can only be addressed in a counselling situation.”
Have you ever had a conversation a bit like this?
“Can I have that toy?”
“Not today.”
“But’s it’s my favorite kind.”
“I said NO.”
“Why???”
“Because I said SO!”
“Ugh, but… I waaaaaaaaaaaaant it!”
“Please don’t argue.”
“But I REALLY want it.”
“If you don’t stop arguing, you are not getting any sweets tomorrow at all.”
“Oh YEAH? What’s the difference? I never get what I want.”
“Okay. That’s it…no sweets tomorrow. It’s time to leave, let’s go.”
“UGH!!!! I hate you!”
Conflict between parents and children happens in every household. If you haven’t argued about a toy, perhaps you have about a sleep over, more dessert, getting dressed, doing homework, getting more allowance, eating veggies, going to a party and so on…
The “because I said so” and “you get what you get and that’s that…” and giving out consequences approach although popular, seldom leaves parents and children feeling like their reasons have actually been heard. It also doesn’t help children learn conflict resolution skills, something that is a valuable life skill.
Do you dislike conflict but feel like whenever you set a limit conflict is inevitable?
While conflict can be annoying, difficult, disappointing, exasperating, it is also very disconnecting to argue and engage in power struggles. There are many ways to handle family conflict that are more positive and lead to actual resolutions.
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